new years resolution
This beginning isn’t really a beginning. I had found a bunch of old writing on my parent’s computer, the one I had borrowed last year for school. When I carefully examined the dates of the files, I realised I had about half a year’s worth of idle ramblings that weren’t written down. In the interest of archiving uncompleted thoughts and images for future reference, I took the advice of a close friend and created this little space for myself amidst the electronic chaos of it all.
The title (wadeinthewater) is that of my favourite black spiritual.
“Wade in the water,
Wade in the water children,
Wade in the water, god’s gonna trouble the water.”
I have sung it to myself for years,.. in showers, on street corners, in the kitchen. For strength and renewal and the reminder of the loving community I found at my summer camp. But like many spirituals, it originated in slavery and contained a message of hope and freedom for the oppressed. If a slave could manage to escape, the thing to do was make it to a river, stream or lake, so their footprints and scent could not be traced. Travelling the river for miles, they could emerge on the opposite shore free from slavery.
I’m not trying to set myself free in these pages. I have been privileged, and I have not had to experience racist oppression directed towards me. But still, this song speaks to me. An encompassing image of humanity is contained within this image; an individual, struggling with their fears, fleeing immanence and oppression, not above the water life force, but not one with it. A vision of agency is contained within this single and continuous act. Of course, we falsely believe that one is free as soon as she/he emerges on the opposite shore; the kind of belief that says now that all North Americans are ‘free’. But a dangerous amount of oppression still exists here. We are not free from sexism, racism, heterosexism, and classism, but now it is systemic and cloaked assumptions which are active in our private worlds. This is the discrimination that is most difficult to understand and undermine. True freedom is only contained within the continuous opposition of forces which demand our immanence. A person is only free while “wading in the water” so to speak.
I am touching on many existentialist ideas and these are reoccurring themes in my consciousness and my writing. These entries are arranged somewhat by date and somewhat by content; because sometimes ideas make more sense than linear time. Most of the stuff is in chronological order, this passage is the most blatant transgression because I wanted to put it at the beggining. Images and thoughts can be dreamlike, like the internet or water - formless and unknowable. It is easy to become one with this, and be defined by lack. But I am no Ophelia. I feel like her death was kind of a living one - that of a woman. But this is another discussion.
A toast :
may you consider love as action, desire as change and hope as life.
kirsten
The title (wadeinthewater) is that of my favourite black spiritual.
“Wade in the water,
Wade in the water children,
Wade in the water, god’s gonna trouble the water.”
I have sung it to myself for years,.. in showers, on street corners, in the kitchen. For strength and renewal and the reminder of the loving community I found at my summer camp. But like many spirituals, it originated in slavery and contained a message of hope and freedom for the oppressed. If a slave could manage to escape, the thing to do was make it to a river, stream or lake, so their footprints and scent could not be traced. Travelling the river for miles, they could emerge on the opposite shore free from slavery.
I’m not trying to set myself free in these pages. I have been privileged, and I have not had to experience racist oppression directed towards me. But still, this song speaks to me. An encompassing image of humanity is contained within this image; an individual, struggling with their fears, fleeing immanence and oppression, not above the water life force, but not one with it. A vision of agency is contained within this single and continuous act. Of course, we falsely believe that one is free as soon as she/he emerges on the opposite shore; the kind of belief that says now that all North Americans are ‘free’. But a dangerous amount of oppression still exists here. We are not free from sexism, racism, heterosexism, and classism, but now it is systemic and cloaked assumptions which are active in our private worlds. This is the discrimination that is most difficult to understand and undermine. True freedom is only contained within the continuous opposition of forces which demand our immanence. A person is only free while “wading in the water” so to speak.
I am touching on many existentialist ideas and these are reoccurring themes in my consciousness and my writing. These entries are arranged somewhat by date and somewhat by content; because sometimes ideas make more sense than linear time. Most of the stuff is in chronological order, this passage is the most blatant transgression because I wanted to put it at the beggining. Images and thoughts can be dreamlike, like the internet or water - formless and unknowable. It is easy to become one with this, and be defined by lack. But I am no Ophelia. I feel like her death was kind of a living one - that of a woman. But this is another discussion.
A toast :
may you consider love as action, desire as change and hope as life.
kirsten
posted by wadewater at
12:30 AM
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